Siloam Springs Bible Church

Question:  Pastor Dave, you didn't finish your story about the pregnant bride who already had five children.  Why were the church people happy and dancing about when the bride came down the aisle?

When we arrived in Africa we had absolutely no understanding of African marriage customs.  What we learned was that in our part of the world, an African marriage is actually a contract between two families.  The bride's family guarantees that the bride will bear children, and the groom's family pledges to take good care of the young lady.  If no children are born, then the groom's family has the right to send the bride back to her family.  That is a serious step because it means this woman is "spoiled" and will unlikely be chosen as a bride for someone else.  Usually, the bride's family will send the younger sister to the groom's family in addition to the first bride.

In African thinking if two people are married in church, it is permanent.  If children are not born to the family, too bad.  The groom's family cannot send the bride back.  So it is not unusual for two people to submit to a traditional wedding until it is certain that the couple is fertile and then a church wedding follows.  So in our case, when the pregnant bride came down the aisle dressed in her white gown, the church was over joyed.  They could all relax now that children were born and the marriage could now be made permanent.

One further note.  As our students at Rusitu Bible College learned from the Scripture what God intended for marriage, they were less likely to submit to traditional practices in marriage.  They would begin their lives together in permanent marriage convinced that God's intention in marriage is the relationship of a man with a woman, not a contract for child-bearing between families.

Question:  Pastor Dave, from last week's message I understood that in order to connect people to Jesus we need to know their culture, their world-view, and their language.  The problem is that I am stuck on how to apply the illustrations from Africa.  I find it hard to understand the culture of the low income such as not showing up for work, having money for beer but not for diapers, driving without a license, and so on.  I am glad that we are having more opportunities to interact with folks outside our cozy circle of friends, but feel very inadequate of how to communicate.  So how do we actually become "all things to all men so that [we] might win some?"

This is a great question and one that bears some really careful thought.  We are a very task-oriented culture, and we tend to look at ministry as something on our list of 'to-dos' to tick off once we've done it.  There are two components to effectively communicating with folks from a different culture.  First, we've got to get to know them.  Second, they've got to get to know us and trust us.  Sponsoring events like movies, chili suppers, icecream socials, etc. in an effort to attract people from the outside is problematic.  Why?  We don't know people from the outside and they don't know us.  It shouldn't surprise us if they wonder what our agenda is.

Our experience in Africa convinced me that to reach people one has to become a part of the community and live in a "fish bowl" so the community can see how you live and get to know and trust you and your family.  So I believe the most effective way of reaching the trailer court next door would be for someone of our congregation to go live there with the purpose of learning that culture, gaining trust of the community, and showing the love of Christ.  We want to reach the Mong people?  We send someone to live among them.  Again, if we want to reach Hispanics, learn Spanish, for sure, but also live in the community, become part of it, and gain the trust of the people there.  When you live with people you begin to learn how they see the world and what they value.  Punctuality, coloring within the lines, and truth-telling may not be very high in their hierarchy of values.  Learning their values will come from living with them.  Knowing what they value will give direction on how we might present the gospel.  We watched missionaries in Africa who lived in white neighborhoods commute to the high density suburbs for ministry to Africans with limited results.  It's not impossible to minister cross-culturally this way; just a whole lot tougher. 

Whoa! you say.  This is a really big step.  Yes it is.  We're a lot more comfortable visiting a community, doing a job, hold some services, and then leave.  It's the "We've done our job" mentality and it's our culture. (By the way, ministry like this has its place and is a good thing.  I am not against it.)  In the rest of the world where long-term relationships are so much more important than tasks, doing a job will be appreciated but is not as likely to produce long-term spiritual results.

Because this is such a big step, I'm not sure we're ready for this,  but it is worth the time to give the challenge of it some serious thought.

Thanks for this question.